Websters needs to catch up with the times.
Written by: Beck
Having listened to (well, ok, read) a great deal of things that have issued forth from John Kerry's mouth, it has come to my attention that the prevailing definition of the word "nuance" is in complete disagreement with what the poor, behind the times folks at Merriam-Webster seem to think.
Their definition has some nonsense about subtle distinctions. What silly people! So, in the same spirit of generosity I engage in daily when shipping, free of charge, a fresh new "nugget of wisdom" to the municipal public works (via the expedient of flushing), I offer the folks at the dictionary printers a more modern, updated, current, dare I say it? I dare! A more
nuanced definition.
Main Entry: nu-ance
Pronunciation: You should know this. I mean, come on.
Function: noun
Etymology: (2004) Democratic candidate John Kerry in various speeches, interviews, &c.
1 : the opposite of what any person you are in conflict with believes
2 :
not moronic in the sense of implying that non-nuanced (even if otherwise identical) versions of a thing ARE moronic
3 : a reflection of one's ability to emote with anyone and everyone.
Joking aside, I absolutely love this defensive ranting from Kerry,
quoted in Time Magazine. I guess being mocked over use of the word "nuanced" for the hundredth time finally got to him:
I don't think war is nuanced at all. I think how you take a nation to war is the most fundamental decision a President makes," Kerry says, "and there's nothing nuanced at all about keeping your promises. There is nothing nuanced about exhausting remedies that give you legitimacy and consent to go to war.
A moment of silence ensued, during which Kerry, sitting on his hands, looked like he was about to explode. Finally, able to restrain himself no longer, he burst out, "Nuanced nuanced nuanced nuanced nuanced nuanced nuanced!!!" after which he was able to emit a thankful sigh of relief. "Sorry, had to get that out of my system," he appologized.