Written by: Anonymous

You know what I hate? Urban enterprise zones. Bear with me here, folks. Sometime around 25 years ago, at the only moment in American history since the 1920s that conservatives were poised to create a governing majority in this country, some "Republican strategist" (talk about an oxymoron) decided that conservatives as such could never win elections. Apparently the best we could do was trot out members of the Old Left -- who had become dissatisfied with Democrat foreign policy weakness, nihilism, and pure evil -- to lecture conservatives and the rest of America on how liberals' public policy goals were super, but Republicans would be more efficient at implementing them. In the meantime, these Old Leftists would spend a couple of decades ruthlessly branding as a racist and anti-Semite any true conservative in the Republican party who wasn't excited about this new direction.

Today, we call these Old Leftists "neoconservatives." That's like calling me a "neocommunist" or a "neo-Buffalo-Bills fan," because in our postmodern lexicon, "neo" apparently means "No way in hell am I." But I digress.

Neoconservatives like to give up a whole bunch of ground in the culture wars, execute occasional purges of actual conservatives from their "movement," and drone on and on about nifty little policy proposals like urban enterprise zones. An urban enterprise zone is an area inside the poverty-stricken inner city where Jack Kemp and his ilk want to devote a lot of time, energy, and -- of course! -- money building up minority businesses. Something about tax breaks and subsidies and free enterprise and a melting pot and a nation of immigrants and blah blah blah blah. Basically, these assclowns want to give up addressing the real reasons for crime and poverty in the inner city and instead figure out clever little ways to apply supply-side economics to the situation. That's right folks, bring all your problems -- cultural, racial, whatever -- to the neocons and they will cure them with 18th century economic theory!

How this is at all conservative I don't know. And that's my beef with these people. Can't they call themselves something else, like pseudo-conservative, or neo-liberal, or Lyndon Johnson? But for God's sake, take the damn "conservative" out of your moniker! I don't mind debating these issues and this very different philosophy and policy approach, but I do mind the dishonest way in which these people have infiltrated a party, rooted out all intellectual opposition, and defined themselves as the only legitimate voice on the Right to a generation of young conservatives.

They should all go live in an urban enterprise zone and see how they like it. In the meantime, the rest of us should take back the Republican party. Or repudiate it.