Written by: Beck

So anyway, with the creation of this blog, I also created a new email address to post under. I wanted to make life easier on myself--providing a nice separation between any blog-related emails and, well, everything else. Makes perfect sense, right? And since I only use my blogging email address (incite3000@hotmail.com) for blog-related stuff, I assumed that it would be relatively hard for me to show up on the spam-mailers email lists. After all, I haven't used it on any commercial sites that don't have a strict privacy statement. The only exception I can think of is using it to post in the comments thread of others' blogs. Still, it had to be only a matter of time before I finally got my first bit of spam. Today was the day. It's a great one. The spammers decided to open in style. No penis enlargement offers, no herbal viagra or online pharmaceutical offers. No online degree offers or low home refinancing deals. Not even a XXX site. No, folks, it was much better than that. And the good news is, with the $28,000,000 I've inherited, I'll be able to retire and devote my time entirely to building this blog! Oh happy day! And all I have to do to take receipt is send my personal banking information to Mr. Wang Qin of Hang Seng Bank!

And it must be true because it's email!

I am Mr.Wang Qin, credit officer of Hang Seng Bank Ltd, sorry if my English may not be well composed [Strangely the English is surprisingly good--I always figured the bad English in these things was more art than accident] but I have a confidential business proposition for you. I honestly apologize and hope I do not cause you much embarrassment by contacting you through this means for a transaction of this magnitude,but this is due to confidentiality and prompt access reposed on this medium. [Makes perfect sense to me.] Furthermore,due to this issue on my hands now,it became necessary for me to seek your assistance, and it is imperative for me to know your opinion. [Oh, don't worry, you'll get to know my opinion.]

On June 6,1998, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation, Mr.Smith Lawrence made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US 28,000,000.00 (Twenty-eight Million Dollars only) in my branch. Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from
his contract employers, the Hong Kong Solid Minerals Corporation that Mr. Smith Lawrence died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, [that silly Mr. Smith!]and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner [You like me! You really really like me!] to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Smith Lawrence so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials. [That last sentence was almost poetic. I'm getting a bit weepy, give me a minute] This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.[Note to aspiring legal professionals: you can accomplish anything so long as you have "necessary documents and affidavits."] We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account either a new one or existng one in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 78% for me and 20% for you and 2%for any expenses Incurred in the course of the transaction. [$560,000 in expenses. Normally this might cause me to take pause, but inclusion of a third percentage in the breakdown has convinced me this is entirely realistic! Where do I sign up, Mr. Wang?]

There is no risk at all [reassuring!]as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and with my position as the credit officer guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested,please reply immediately.You may reply to my email box, qin2004@levele.com [Note the email address. More on that in a second] Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. You should observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to
invest my share in your country.

Awaiting your reply.

Thanks and regards.

Mr.Wang Qin.

The email this was sent from was qin2003@snowboard.com, with the vastly amusing result that at the bottom of the email is appended this lovely nugget:

==============================================
Join the World's Largest Snowboard Community for FREE!!!
www.snowboard.com

So, naturally, I felt compelled to send a response:

You can hardly imagine how excited I was when I received your email notifying me that I stood to receive 78% of $28,000,000 and all that was required was necessary documents and affidavits. In anticipation of this great windfall, I've already taken the liberty of quitting my job and buying a new car. It's red! Do you like red? I sure hope you do, as I'm not certain I would be willing to enter into such an important business transaction with someone who doesn't like red. One quick question: why is your reply-to email address qin2004@levele.com while you originally sent the email from qin2003@snoboard.com. Are you just, like, some kind of snowboarding freak? I'm cool with that, if you are. Never tried it myself, but then, there's a lot of things I haven't tried that you probably have.

So what do we do next?

John Beck.

I'll keep y'all posted on any future correspondence from Mr. Qin.