Written by: Beck

The fair city of Houston is known for many things. While we may have some of the worst pollution in the country, we also have the most restaurants per capita. Furthermore, we have both the most and the best strip clubs in North America. Or so I hear anyway. Wouldn't know myself. So, when it comes time for state legislators to pick a target for things to fuck up, to what do they turn? That's right folks, you guessed it: Governor Rick Perry (R-Ass) wants to pay for public schooling with a special strip club tax.

You knew it all had to tie together in the end, right?

His plan would reduce property taxes and increase reliance on so-called "sin taxes" by charging a $5 tax to enter "adult entertainment" venues and adding a dollar to the price of cigarettes.

Perry said his proposal would maintain school funding while reducing the tax burden on homeowners.

Because everyone knows that tax shifting schemes like this A) make any kind of logical sense, or B) ever actually result in a net decrease in taxes. Anyone who rates themselves any kind of a politics watcher knows that those property taxes will be right back where they started before you can say, "Bloated bureaucracy." And it makes perfect sense for those seeking adult entertainment to be paying for others' school bills.

What's worse, Perry's strongest opponent of the plan, Carole Keeton Strayhorn (R-Bitch), opposes the plan not on any kind of tax grounds, but on the grounds that what the legislature SHOULD be doing re: school funding is putting the strip clubs out of business completely. And I'm not exaggerating. That is her stated goal.

On Wednesday, she attacked Perry for the strip club proposal and called for banning alcohol sales at such places to force them out of business.

"Today, this state says you can't drink and drive and you cannot walk into a convenience store with an alcoholic drink in your hand. Certainly we can say you can't get drunk while watching people take off their clothes in public to pay for education," Strayhorn said.

Now comes the scary part:

She said her office was working on proposed legislation to stop alcohol sales at strip joints and warned she would have the final say in any dispute because, by state law, she must certify the worthiness of all budget-linked bills.

There you have it. One woman who hates strip clubs will wield her power to completely override the wishes, desires, and preferences of state citizens, completely circumventing the democratic system in the process.