Liberals Tried to Assassinate Me This Weekend
But they failed. On Friday, I had the poor sense to travel to Austin to attend a banquet honoring United States District Court Judge William Wayne Justice, liberal icon. The keynote speaker was Molly Ivins. I hope I need not say more.
In any event, I sat civilly through the function, unlike your typical liberal would if in reluctant attendance at an event honoring a conservative icon. About six hours later I began vomiting (& etc.), which I did not cease doing until Sunday morning. I vomited at least 60 times, more than I believe I had vomited my entire life combined prior to this ill-fated Friday. It was certainly the worst case of food poisoning I have ever had. And it ruined my weekend.
As any intelligent reader will surmise, the liberals are to blame for this near-death experience. I should never have let my guard down and dined in hostile territory. And I never will again. Let this serve as a warning to the rest of you.
In other news, I hear John Kerry served in Vietnam.
