Written by: Beck

I'll admit it: I'm quite distressed over my co-blogger Answerman's recent announcement that he would sooner vote for Ralph Nader than George Bush. I mean, if an arch-conservative like Answerman can't bear to vote for Bush, surely there must be a better 3rd way than Nader's odd mixture of anti-corporate environmentalist socialist nuttery. And so, ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to provide (for everyone, not just my erstwhile associate) the alternative to voting Republican or Democrat, Nader or Libertarian:

The Guns & Dope Party

To briefly summarize (and to gratuitously pilfer from their web site), the G&D Party platform consists of:

1. Guns for those who want them, no guns forced on those who don't want them (pacifists, Quakers etc.)


2. Drugs for those who want them, no drugs forced on those who don't want them (Christian Scientists etc.)


3. An end to Tsarism and a return to constitutional democracy


4. Equal rights for ostriches

Furthermore, the G&D Party intends to fire one third of Congress, selected at random, and replace them with ostriches. Frankly, I can't think of a better way to simultaneously improve the quality of governance coming out of Washington and decrease the amount of shit routinely deposited in the halls of the House and the Senate. Plus, you could seriously ramp up the festivities during the White House lawn Easter egg hunt by giving all the children free ostrich rides. I'm sure those noble birds legislators would have no compunctions of lending some public-minded support to such a fine institution.

Guns & Dope Party Official Motto: Official motto: "Like what you like, enjoy what you enjoy, don't be afraid to make slurping sounds, and don't take crap from anybody"

"But," you ask, "Who is running for president on the Guns & Dope ticket?" I'm glad you asked. Their candidate is Everybody. To steal one last bit from their website:

EVERYBODY FOR PRESIDENT!

-- Well, at least everybody who feels ready for the responsibility of self-government. Those who still need a Big Daddy or a Big Momma to discipline and dominate them should vote for whatever fuhrer or savior they like best.
If you want self-government don't vote for the Two Lying Bastards of the Democan and Republicrat parties... or for any minority party that also wants to govern you...

WRITE IN YOUR OWN NAME

Sounds like a damn fine idea to me.