Written by: Beck

Beer and licorice diet bad for health. Where would we be without the Houston Chronicle? (Link credit to today's Best of the Web)

Also in the news, punching yourself in the face hurts, ditto for punching yourself in the nads, and you'll get along much better with your spouse if you try to avoid setting her on fire. Also, be sure to remember that kicking small animals is mean, drink plenty of fluids to avoid death, and Michael Moore is a lying fat sack of suet. Finally in the news, Answerman has taken leave of his senses, Beck is a huge asshole, and Speculator & Capt. Dave have run off to Massachusetts and eloped. At least that's what I'm guessing.