Written by: Beck

The problem is, Kerry's not a very good driver. If he's not careful, he's going to wind up spinning out of control. OK, enough of the automotive metaphors. Kerry has had to play nice since the beginning of the Memorial Day weekend--to behave otherwise would be to make himself look especially bad. After that, there was the run-up to the 60th anniversary of D-Day, followed promptly by the death of Ronald Reagan. The period of mourning is over, Reagan stories have finally dropped out of the press, and he figures it's time to go full guns.

The New York Times reports that Kerry has launched his new offensive with an attack on two fronts: the economy and the prison abuse scandal. Put briefly, Kerry asserts that bush has overstated the health of the economy and understated the impact of the prison abuse scandal.

Campaigning in New Jersey and Ohio, the Democratic challenger accused the Republicans of being all too willing to settle for an economy that leaves the middle class falling farther and farther behind. "We all know that the middle class built this country," he told a cheering convention of the New Jersey A.F.L.-C.I.O., meeting in Atlantic City Tuesday. "Franklin Roosevelt understood that, and so did Bill Clinton."

Well, actually this country was built with Rock & Roll. At least that's what the songs tell me. FDR understood that you could buy off the lower class with government spending, and Bill Clinton raised taxes on the middle class. I don't really know what in hell Kerry is talking about quite frankly.

At an airport news conference near Cincinnati, Mr. Kerry also asserted that Mr. Bush had "underestimated the full impact" of the Iraqi prisoner scandal on America's reputation in the world. He said Mr. Bush should appoint an independent investigator to investigate the abuses--someone like Senator John McCain, Republican of Arizona--"to prove to the world that this is really not going to be swept under the rug." Mr. Kerry has reportedly tried repeatedly, and in vain, to get Mr. McCain to consider being his running mate.

A reporter then pointed out to Senator Kerry that he had some white stuff on his chin & some brown stuff on his nose. Kerry responded, "Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib torture memo."

Mr. Kerry also said: "Torture is not acceptable, period. The United States of America has always been a leader in making it clear to the world that torture is not acceptable."

OK. I have absolutely no problem with that statement by John Kerry. Much like you expect monkeys pounding on typewriters to eventually generate a sentence or two, you figure Kerry has to get something right every once in a while.

Throughout the day, the Bush and Kerry forces engaged in a long-distance debate over the economy that suggested the contours of the fall campaign. Mr. Bush declared at a news conference Tuesday, "Our economy is strong and getting stronger." He added that employment was growing, consumer spending was rising, and "all indications are that the economic stimulus plan we put in place is working."

And no matter how much neighing and braying Kerry bleats out, the one unalterable fact which he cannot deny is that the economy is moving from strength to strength.

Echoing the themes of his campaign operatives, who described Mr. Kerry as engaged in a "pessimism and misery" tour, Mr. Bush concluded: "I am an optimistic person. I guess if you want to try to find something to be pessimistic about, you can find it, no matter how hard you look, you know?"

Yes, that's right, any time Bush says something he's merely, "Echoing the themes of his campaign operatives." Come on, you didn't expect me to go for an entire post without mentioning media bias at some point did you? Anyway, my favorite line from the whole article is coming up:

Mr. Kerry countered, at his news conference, "They're the pessimists, because they believe Americans are willing to accept less than what Americans are used to doing and achieving."

Don't be too alarmed if you can't make any sense out of this statement. You can't. Kerry has bent his words and logic into such a twisted pretzel that anyone thinking about it too hard is likely to suffer a massive brain aneurysm.

Making the case for changing economic leadership is widely considered critical to Mr. Kerry's campaign--and the case has become more complicated in recent months, amid steady employment gains. In his speech to the A.F.L.-C.I.O., which he echoed throughout the day, Mr. Kerry argued that economic growth alone was not enough to help the middle class.

The sad thing is, the one area in which Kerry could make a compelling and legitimate attack on Bush's economic policy is spending. And Kerry can't afford to make that attack, as he would then be forced to state explicitly where he would cut spending. He can't say military because he's already attacked the Bush administration for undersupplying our troops in Iraq. Any other area he might mention is virtually guaranteed to step on at least a few liberal toes. What, he's going to oppose the horrendous prescription drug benefit championed by his own fellow Masshole senator Ted "Balloon Head" Kennedy?

There were some dissonant moments in his bid for middle-class support; he attended a celebrity fund-raiser Monday night at the sprawling estate of Jon Bon Jovi. And he was asked by a local reporter Tuesday how his championship of the middle class squared with his wealthy wife and lifestyle.

"It's not the size of your bank account," he said. "It's what you feel in your heart and your gut. If it was the size of your bank account, John Kennedy might not have been president. Franklin Roosevelt might not have been president."

I have to give the NYT credit for printing those two paragraphs. I do believe Kerry is seriously suggesting that John Kennedy did not come from a wealthy family, among other things. More twisted logic, more twisted words, no more sense. And now, the money quote:

He ended his day at a rain-soaked outdoor rally in Columbus, which drew a large crowd of supporters as well as a scattering of abortion protesters, and some Bush supporters. The Republicans blasted the theme song from "Flipper" for part of his speech to accuse him of flip-flopping on issues. As dusk fell, Mr. Kerry delivered his paean to the middle class, and the crowd held in a driving rain, cheering as he invoked the legacies of Presidents Clinton and Roosevelt.