Written by: Beck

Get bent.

Oh, and about that son of yours... Right, the one who was running the Oil-For-Food Program. It turns out we couldn't find a cannon to shoot him out of, so we've decided to simply shoot him with a cannon. See the subtle difference? We assumed you wouldn't mind, what with your famous obsession with justice and whatnot.

Update: A message for Jacques Chirac from Beck on behalf of the United Kingdom:

Sod off.

OK, so maybe I don't exactly have legitimate grounds to speak on behalf of the UK, but I'm pretty sure that's what they would want to say. And even if it isn't, it's what they SHOULD say. Let me put it to the Brits as plainly as I can: when it comes to the European Constitution, RUN AWAY. And for the love of god, keep voting for the UKIP.

Update II: A message to Australia from Beck on behalf of Japan:

Owned.

How on earth did a team from Japan win the International Australian Rules Football tournament? Can you imagine a team from Japan (or anywhere else) winning the Super Bowl? Hang your heads in shame. Money quote:

[T]he Narita Cup is an annual event showcasing Australian Football and is fast becoming the Australian Football equivalent of the Hong Kong Sevens. [ed: Rugby evidently. Learn something new every day.]

For those who've never watched an Australian Rules Football game, I highly recommend it. It's easily the most violent sport I've ever watched.