Written by: Beck

Kate Edwards - She has clearly been spending time, quite recently, in a tanning bed. She has the inverted-raccoon eyes of someone who was wearing opaque goggles while lying under a UV bed. Apart from that, however, she's quite attractive. I think the DNC is finally going to get the "personal touch" that Teresa Heinz eminently failed to deliver, but which they so desperately need to convince voters that these candidates actually have a heart. She's quoting poetry now. Yep, count on enough sap to resuscitate petrified wood.

Update: Cate Edwards is speaking now. Second paragraph in, the "two Americas" line has been trotted out. Silly as I think the whole "two Americas" theme is, it's just about the only original thing I've heard from this campaign so far.

Update: "My father, like John Kerry, was in the navy." Nice way to dance around the fact that her husband has not served in the military (not that he's the right age (42) to have served during any major wars).

Update: Would it be inappropriate to make a joke about Cate Edwards's double chin? I suppose it would. But as I have already observed, I am officially out of booze, so I'm afraid I can't restrain myself.

Apparently the Edwardses always celebrate their anniversary at Wendy's. How touching.

Update: She's rushing her delivery. I think she's getting nervous. Nevermind, her speech is at an end.