Written by: Beck

If any speaker is going to do Kerry damage tonight, it'll be Sharpton. My fingers are crossed. Updates to come.

Update: Sharpton just dropped an "aksed" bomb. Those always amuse me. The first part of his speech seems to be devoted to thanking people for being here. "The first person to die in the Revolutionary War..." was evidently a black man from Barbados named Christmas. I did not know that.

Sharpton just invoked Martin Luther King and the Voting Rights Act of 1965... which the Republicans supported much more strongly than the Democrats.

"I have come here tonight to say that the only choice we have to preserve our freedom at this point in history is to elect John Kerry as President." There you have it folks. You can all go home now, you have no other choice or else we're all going to be thrown in jail. I guess.

Update: "I am convinced that [the two Johns] are men who say what they mean, and mean what they say." Even when they contradict themselves I suppose.

"We can't survive in the world by ourselves." Do you really believe that Al? "We were told we were going to Iraq because there were WMD." Well... no. "...they changed the premise of the war and said we went for other reasons..."

"We are faced that 2 or more Supreme Court justice's seats may come available... This court has voted 5 to 4 on critical issues of women's rights and civil rights." Yes, like upholding racial preferences in college admissions. "If George Bush had selected the justices in 1954, Clarence Thomas would have never got [sic] to law school."

Update: Sharpton just suggested that we spend more money on metal detectors in schools than on the schools themselves. WOW. Now he's likening "regulating behavior in the bedroom" to "providing food in the kitchen." This guy's off the deep end. OH GOD. He just repeated the whole damn line. It came across as though he lost his place on the teleprompter. He's terrible. Perhaps someone should point out that the Supreme Court Al is so opposed to struck down Sodomy laws in Texas, and that the FMA has nothing to do with what goes on "in the bedroom."

Update: His sentences are sorta crumbling. I can figure out his intent easily enough, but I'm fairly certain that a straight up grammatical deconstruction would cause the entire mess to fall apart.

Now he's arguing in favor of bilingual education. And NOW he's arguing that illegals should have the right to vote for president. Kerry's probably shouting from some listening room, "Would someone please send a flying tackle into him?" "And you aksed the question, 'Does the Democratic party take us for granted?'" (Speaking of Bush's questions earlier in the week). "It is true that Lincoln signed the emancipation proclamation... we were promised 40 acres and a mule." He's now arguing for reparations. "We didn't get the 40 acres. We didn't get the mule. So we decided we would ride the donkey as far as it would take us." You hear that sound? That's the sound of several million independent and undecided voters making sure the chads don't dangle underneath their votes for George W. Bush.

And the crowd goes wild.

And now Sharpton lays claim on behalf of the Democratic party to every good thing that has ever happened in the civil rights movement. So much for historical accuracy.

Update: It's pretty much just a frothing shouting rage now. This is great stuff. Thank you Al. Thank you so much for coming through.

"Mr. President, read my lips, our vote is not for sale." Nice how he manages to still avoid using the word "Bush." I haven't heard it once.

"Family values is not just those with two car garages and a retirement plan... I was raised by a single mother who made a way for me... she taught me that life is not about where you start but about where you're going." Well, yes, good point. I liked it better the first time around when it was Dan Qayle saying it, but still.

Update: Jim Lehrer: according to the script, he was supposed to speak for 6 minutes, but he went off for 20 minutes.

Update: The indispensable Michael King of Rambling's Journal has more thoughts on Al Sharpton & his Green Acres dreams.