Written by: Beck

Andre Heinz is stepping up to the podium, and Outkast's "Hey Ya" was playing. I find that amusing. I wonder if the Dems have ever listened to the lyrics of that. "Don't wanna meet your daddy. Just want you in my caddy."

Update: Chris Heinz is up there now too. And they're introducing the Kerry daughters. Anyone else remember the picture of her see-through dress from Cannes? I'd post a picture, but it's not exactly family friendly.

Update: "As someone who knows all 6' 4" of my daddy best, or, as the family jokes, 6' 6" if you count the hair." She's working to humanize Kerry, something Teresa Heinz failed at. Followed by dad showing up at sporting events in a bright orange hunting hat. Anyone else remember Kerry's line about hunting deer with a shotgun?

Update: For those who don't know guns: you don't hunt deer with a shotgun.

I didn't catch this particular Kerry daughter's name, but they're fairly interchangeable. They're both tall, skinny, and horse faced. Yeah, so that's not very nice to say, but then, I don't find the Bush daughters attractive either.

Update: "At my father's core is integrity," which is why he voted for the $87 billion before he voted against it. Cheap shot? Sure, but it's not like anything is being said which merits serious analysis. I mean, she's talking about weaving foliage now.

Update: The overriding message is "integrity." Funny that they feel the need to drive that point home so hard. People actually possessed of integrity don't typically find themselves in such need of asserting and defending it.

Alexandra Kerry is up now (the former one was Vanessa it turns out). She's even more horse faced than her sister. I must say: this is the first presidential candidate daughter whose rack I've seen. Way to go.

She's telling a story about a hamster. Something about, "bubbling down to a watery doom." Dad jumped in and rescued said hamster.

Oh. My. God. John Kerry has, according to his daughter, administered CPR to a hamster.

Update: CPR. To a hamster. Did you catch that?

Now daddy is opining about young men who died in combat on a drive to Alexandra's college when she was 19. I always assume that these remembered "conversations" in speeches like this are entirely fabricated. I assume that because I'm trying to give these people the benefit of the doubt. Does anyone actually have conversations like that? Yes, honey, remember as you head off into college that young men your age died, there are families that were never born that... and on and on and on.

Update: She just mentioned daddy's life's work. I wonder if that's the closest we'll come to hearing what happened during daddy's career between the Vietnam War and September 11.

And now...