Written by: Beck

• It may have taken them decades to realize it, but the medical community has made a startling revelation: the main ingredients in cough syrup are ineffective. Naturally, the medical community has gotten things completely backwards. They used the wrong criteria to determine effectiveness: they only attempted to gauge the extent to which cough syrup prevents coughing. What are they thinking? Everyone knows you take cough syrup to get fucked up.
  

  The two ingredients are dextromethorphan -- often listed on labels as "DM" -- and diphenhydramine, an antihistamine. The former is the most common nonprescription cough suppressant on the U.S. market, and commonly abused by adolescents who try to get high on cough medicine.
  

• You have no idea how long I've been hoping to hear something like this.
  

  A previously unknown militant group in Iraq is threatening to kill the most-wanted terror suspect in that country: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.
  
  The Arabic-language TV network Al-Arabiya said it received a taped statement from an organization that calls itself the Rescue Group warning al-Zarqawi and his followers to leave Iraq or face the consequences.
  
  One masked militant read a stamen denouncing the actions by al-Zarqawi and his followers as hurtful to Iraq, particularly the kidnapping of foreigners.
  
  The group has called for the killing of the Jordanian-born al-Zarqawi if he doesn't leave Iraq.
  

  As far as I know, this group is just a CIA front, but frankly, if it is, then it's about time the CIA started earning their paychecks.


• Some good news from Iraq for once.


• Even more good news.


• But of course, you can't end things on a good note right? If there's one thing I've learned from ABC, CBS, and NBC it's that negative news gets ratings. So here's a little something which nicely illustrates what's wrong with low-level law enforcement in America today. Police officers are so busy patrolling the streets to make absolutely certain that no speeder goes unticketed that people whose rights (e.g. life) are actually threatened often go unprotected.
  

  A community college professor was shot to death in front of an empty police station by her husband, who then committed suicide, police said.
  
  Debra Allen Vazquez, 50, had driven to police headquarters to get help, but all officers were on assignment at the time, authorities said.
  

  Well hey boys, don't get down on yourselves about failing to provide your primary job function. At least the doughnut shops were all safe & sound.