Written by: Beck

Did you know that Osama Bin Laden is dead? OK, so there isn't actually any evidence that he's dead, but Matthew Heidt over at Froggy Ruminations makes an observation that I've been mulling in my mind for a while now. If OBL is alive, then why have we only heard from his subordinates since the Tora Bora campaign?

Maybe you're wondering how I know he's dead. Perhaps one of my SEAL buddies let me in on the secret? NO. I know because a publicity whore and grandstanding scumbag like UBL could not possibly resist the multitude of opportunities to inspire his cult members. His number 1, Zwahiri, has appeared on video or audio broadcasts every few months since 9/11. UBL has not been heard from since Tora Bora despite developments in the GWOT in Afghanistan and Iraq that make it unthinkable for him to have remained silent. Not to mention successful attacks in Bali, Madrid, Turkey, and Jakarta to name a few that remain unremarked upon by UBL. The invasion and occupation of an Islamic state by the US and not a word. Elections held for the first time in Afghan history, and he had nothing to say about it in the lead up. AQ tried once early on to air a tape that never mentioned key developments in the Afghan campaign and was quickly discredited as an attempt to put one over on his followers by airing a previous recording. Zwahiri decided that it was better to just pretend that UBL was alive because there was no plausible martyr story to tell. UBL went out running for his life like a coward. He is dead. His remains are turds shat by scavenging animals in the mountains of Afghanistan blown by the wind and stomped on by US troops.

Of course, since this is so obvious, why hasn't Bush said anything? After all, it would be a wonderful counter to Kerry's wonderful soundbite about, "Outsourcing Tora Bora," or whatever foolish inanity it was. Matthew has an answer to that question too:

Because the President knows that making UBL a martyr would serve to further inspire his minions, and he realizes that preventing this from happening is more important than his re-election. Instead, UBL remains forever silent even as his recruits yearn to hear his voice. Eventually these cultists will realize themselves that UBL went out like a punk, not a martyr and that the AQ head shed has been lying to them for years. That realization combined with US combat boots knocking their teeth down their throats will go a long way to beating this cult into submission. But it is important to recognize that the President's commitment to killing terrorists supersedes his commitment to his own re-election. I'm sure he hopes that the American people will come to this conclusion on their own and vote for him anyway, but it is quite a risk to take in the ultimate ME situation.

Naturally, were Bush to have stepped up to the plate at the debates and said, "Well, we don't know for sure, but if I were a bettin' man, I'd say Osama Bin Laden is a pasty smear under a caved-in pile of rubble," he would have been running a lot of incidental risks. For one thing, on the offhand chance that OBL actually is still alive, he could have chosen that moment to pop up with a copy of the latest NYT in one hand, flipping the bird with his other, and inviting Bush to, "Suck it." And that would be the end of Bush's candidacy. Further, a declaration by the Prez that OBL is probably dead, apart from the damage it would do--as Matthew pointed out--by making OBL's martyrdom official, would invite an avalanche of hoaxes, false claims, and other bits of outrage that, frankly, aren't going to help our cause in the least.

But just because Bush can't come out and say OBL is most likely dead doesn't mean I can't.

He's dead folks. Dead as a fucking doornail.