Incite -- (v) 1: give an incentive; 2: provoke or stir up; "incite a riot"; 3: urge on; cause to act
Friday, May 27, 2005

Just plain weird
Written by: Beck

A while ago, I received an email from someone (named Alex) who apparently found me through Google or some such and reached the conclusion that I was somehow affiliated with Beck the musician. I attempted to disabuse him of this notion, but he remained undisabusable. And if "undisabusable" isn't a word, well by God, it should be.

So I decided to play along, and with each succeeding email, I would say things that were more and more random, until by the end I'm fairly certain I was making no sense at all. It's possible that Alex is pulling my leg, but his emails seem too sincere. A while ago, I thought he had given up, but then I got a new email. The exchange has since resumed. And so, for your reading entertainment, I present you with the completely unedited email conversation between John Beck (that would be me) and "Alexander X" (no, really, that's how he signed his first email).

Alex to me

Can i right to this address and get some sweet ass update's on what Beck is doing now? You know i wrote him year's ago trying to get my self a copy of the tape "Golden Feeling's" but i never got a responce to that. So please let me know if i can get some update's and all on newer realeses and getting the tape of "Golden Feeling's".I hope that this e-mail still get's checked because i am wanting to get this tape pretty bad. So please right me back if i can some how get this tape from you. Talk soon,

Alexander X
John Beck to Alex
This is not Beck the musician. I go by Beck, as my full name is "John Beck." Nifty, eh?

Alex to me

But can i get the tape of " Golden Felling's" from you?I have been looking all over for it but couldnt find one. So if i can get it from you please let me know. The hole cover and all with it.Hope to hear from you soon,

Alex [last name cut --ed]
John Beck to Alex
Well, I can shoot you a copy of Golden Fellings, but I'm afraid I dubbed every single B-flat over with a duck quack noise when I was high on paint thinner a while back, and accidentally destroyed the original. Let me know if you're still interested.

Alex to me

shure thang. I am just wanting to get a copy of it,so when ever you can you can send it still, you have my address right? Well see what happen's.Thank's

I love his presumption that I--or anyone for that matter--am going to up and fire something off in the mail at his emailed request.

John Beck to Alex
I think I have your address. You were the guy who lives above the warehouse in Hoboken, right?
Weak one there, but I was in a hurry at the time and didn't put any effort into it. After this, I didn't hear from Alex for a couple weeks, so I thought the exchange was over. Then, today, when I got into work, I found this in my inbox:

Alex to me
Hey Jon,

Have you sent off the tape yet? Just wanting to know if i should have the Beck tape Golden Feeling's with me soon.Let me know if you got my address for you so i know it is on the way or so,thank's

John Beck to Alex
I sent the copy (Morse code format--hope that's ok, I'm assuming your player can translate it) to the Hoboken warehouse address. Was that not the correct address? If it is not, let me know, and I will send you a signed pair of boxing gloves to make up for it.

Alex to me

Just incase you need my address again for like the 3 time or so then hear it is again,

Alex [redacted]
Hanford CA,93230

Hope to see it soon and there is my address again just incase you were needing it,

John Beck to Alex
Oh heck, I thought you lived in the United States, I didn't realize you lived in California. I'm going to have to dig out my special California-approved environmentally friendly packing scissors to get your package in the mail. Fortunately, the CD is recorded on atmospheric re-entry heat resistant plastic made from genuine whale gonad.

Would you like some free Beck wheel cover spinners? They have a picture of Ray Charles (manufacturer's mistake, but you can hardly tell the difference), and every time they make a 360, they blare out, "Where it's at!"

That's the last email I sent to good old Alex. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he responds.

I can't tell whether this guy is just a very unobservant kid, or some drug addled moron with a burned-out absurdity detector. Either way, it's keeping me entertained, and now, hopefully, it's keeping you entertained as well.

Contact The Author:

John Beck

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